breakfast euphemisms

We all know the nursery rhyme, five little ducks. A song so old that the original author is now unknown and the tune dubbed “traditional” or something equally nondescript. To refresh your memory, the song begins:

“Five little ducks went out one day,
over the hill and far away.”

It is from this simple song that we have garnered the phrase “over the hill”. To discuss the impact of these three little words, we should look first to their literal meanings. To go over the hill means to ascend or move higher to the peak of a mount, and then to descend on the other side. At this point, another song comes to mind, the Scottish tale of Bonnie “Loch Lomond” which proclaims:

“Ye’ll take the high road
and I’ll take the low road,
and I’ll get to Scotland before ye”

From the correlation of these two phrases it is obvious to see that there is a direct relationship. To go “over the hill” is to go to Scotland, a nation in northwest Europe.

Now I can hear you laughing, “Sam, that’s ridiculous.” but bear with me. Let’s use another song to cross-reference.

“O danny boy,
the pipes, the pipes are calling,
from glen to glen and
down the mountain side

Not only another reference to the hill, but also to the age old national instrument of Scotland, the bagpipes.

the fact that this song is Irish is of NO importance, so shut up…leprechaun

Now that we have established the action ‘to go over the hill’ as being inextricably linked to the Scottish lands, we must return to the original nursery rhyme to see further what this tourist destination (and mecca of bagpipian* endeavours) does hold for us, the weary traveller.

The lines of the nursery rhyme are such:
Five little ducks went out one day,
over the hill and far away,
Mother Duck said ‘quack quack quack quack’
but only four little ducks came back.”

So, for our context, assuming that we are the ducks, that mother duck is the mother land of Australia and “quack quack quack quack” is our heroic Aussie Rock warcry, “I come from the land down under.” Reworded, the nursery rhyme is now:
“Five little mates went out one day,
Over to Scotland, far away,
John Howard said, “Do you speaka my language?”
and only five little mates came back.”

Ok so perhaps the meter isn’t exactly correct, but really, a country which uses the word ‘girt’ in its national anthem can’t really be complaining over lexicographical slips.

There is only one solution to what this nursery rhyme must be getting at. Scotland is a fierce, and bagpipe armed country, hellbent on destroying australia with horrendous music, constricting kilts and haggis. Don’t believe me? Some of us are already wearing kilts, and have you heard your local year 7 concert band?

There is no contest. Forget Iraq, forget Iran, forget Al Qaeda, forget the Sydney opera house being blown to smithereens because here in 2007, there’s a new target.

The question is, will you fight or will you wait, like sitting ducks, for the attack?

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